Hank Hill's Secret Pain
by KrustyKrabFunfair
Summary: Hank iz alwayz tryin 2 lewk tuff and always sayin he will kick sum bodies ass but dat iz just cuz 2 hide da secrit payne dat iz deep inside!1
1. Chapter 1

Hank Hill was feelin rly dupressed al da tyme but no budy new bout his secrit pane. He h8ed his lyfe and he dudnt lyke his freinds or famlie. evry mourning he woak up and saw Peggy nex too him n he wantud to stab his I's owt cuz she iz sooo uglee and meen. Peggy iz alwaiz sayin shes smarter din Hank n thinkin shes bettur din every budy. Hank thout Peggy wuz a big jurk!1 She finks dat she iz so smart but she iz dum! :( Dats what Hank thot evry day. It was dinnur tyme and Hank was finkin SpaPeggy and Meet-balls iz da wurst fewd evs!1 But if he sed dat 2 Peggy she wood kick him owt uv hiz own howse! Hank secrtly wishd he nevershoutNEVER got marryd in da 1st plais!11

Hank h8ed Bobby almowst assmunch as he h8ed Peggy. Hank wuz uber manly and Bobby was a towtull wuss. He wuz sew disappointed dat his sun wuznt moer lyke him win he wuz a kid. Hank cried win he thowt bout how Bobby wood nevur bee a foot ball star n get da winning touch-down. He wanted Bobby to be an afleet and a rly manly guy butt dat wuz nevur gunna happin sew he had givvin up on hiz onlee sun. :( He h8ed da fact dat Bobby wanted 2B a prop comic when he grew up cuz Bobby's act iznt even funneh!1 He had tryd soooo hard 2 make Bobby lyk sports and cars and uther manly stuffs, but insted Bobby just lykd layme stuff like vidya games and boi bands!

Hank h8ed hiz parents even thow dey R bowf ded. HankHill haz a tuff exterior but dat is just to hide da pain dat iz deap inside… He haz a rly dark past. Hiz child-hood wuz soooo bad cuz Cotton used to beat him evury nite. Even dough he didnt hav shins he wuz still rly strong and Hank wuz alwaiez scarred 2 fight back. Cotton beet Hank's mom to but dey nevur talked bout it cuz dey wur sooo sacred of Cotton. He killd fitty men!1 Cotton Hill iz such a scry guy and now Hank felz lyke he needs alot of structure in hiz life too make up for the beating :(

Hanks h8ed hiz friends alot. He only hung out wit dem 2 get away from Peggy and Bobby. He calls Dale his BFF forevurz but actually it iz a pretend frndship and he h8s Dale the most out of all his freinds. Hank thowt Dale was a rly dum prsn. Dale wuz soooo anoying 2 Hank. He was always talkin about rly stoopid stuff and Hank noes dat compooters R not evil and neevur iz da DMV (well may-B a littul). Whenevur Hank wuz in da front yard he could here Sanford n Son blairing frum Dale's howse n he always told him 2 turn it down butt he nevur lissend. Dale nvr did any thing 4 Hank even tho Hanks had dun sooo much 4 Dale he just didnt apreeshiate it!1

Hank thot dat Bill wuz rly puthetic. He felt lyke Bill wuz always getting in truble and then he was always the one who had to hlp him. And wut haz Bill dun 4 him?/ Nuthing!1 Except 4 when he blocked so Hank cud make dat rly imprtnt tuch-down but dat was a uber long time ago n now Hank just feels lik he is oblig8ed 2 still B nice 2 Bill. Hank thought Bill wuz da ugliest prsn on Rainy Street and he shud go on a diet or sumthin. When Lenore left Hank wuz all like "Its abowt tyme!1" butt he nevur told Bill he wuz sayin dat 2 erebody cuz Bill's lyfe sucks rly bad. Hank duznt feel sorrie for Bill anymoar, he wishes Bill wood just get ovur it alredy!11

Hank h8ed Boomhauer as much as he h8ed Bill but 4 rly diff reezins. He thinks Boomhauer iz rly trash and makes Rainy St. a bad place 2 raise kids by bringin a bunch of sluts 2 da naberhood. Hank is pretty sure dat Boomhauer haz every STd in da world!1 He is rly anoyd bye da way his"frnd" talks. Hank duznt git Y Boonhauer alwayz haz 2 mumble al fast lyke that. He h8ed how Boomhauer wuz all chiil all da tyme and got his swag on 4 da ladies. Boomhauer finks he iz da kewlest prsn evurz but he iznt!11


	2. Chapter 2

One dai Hank Hill wuz fealin rly sad cuz he had 2 go 2 wurk Stickland Propane and he h8s dat job alot! He alwais sed he luvd hiz job sellin propain n propain excessories but he just duznt want any1 two know bout how much he h8s hiz job and his lyfe!1 :( He got 2 wurk urly so he could wipe da tanks. He wuz alwaiz wurking rly hard so he could make moar $ but Buck nvr aprushiated hiz hard work. ):

Hank walked in2 da building and he saw Jo Jack dere and din he said to Hank, "Hey, honey" cuz he'z scrtly uber gay 4 Hank but who iznt?/

And then Donna showd up n said "Hey, howz it goin? Lets get on Face Book!"

and Hank wuz like "Only if its 4 Strickland Prowpane cuz social networcking iz good 4 bizznass."

And din she was all like "No wai, I just gotta make a status up date dat say Im at wurk and it sucks."

Then Hank wuz lyke "U cant do that, u can onlee do stuff thats imprtnt."

Then Enrique entered da room.

He was like "Sry Im l8, I had 2 go 2 Taco Bell."

Then Hank was like "Im da assistant manager and I say u all gotta get to wurk b4 Mr. Srickland sez u all lewkin layZ!1"

Every body started wurkin rly fast cuz dey were scrd Hank wuz gunna kick dere ass. Thank Buck walked in. He wuz holding a flask and uber drunk. He was all like

"Hank, U R da wurst prsn evs!1 Ur fired 4 bein soooo00o0o0o0o uglee ur scarin away da customurz!"

Hank culdnt take it anymoar so he just startd cryin so Buck punchd him in da face and then Hank didnt kno wut 2 do so he just ran away.

Hank just wanted too end it all so he went owtside and startin breethin in some propane from da rly big propane tank but it was takin two long so he just decided to lite his liter but as soon as he wuz about 2 kill him-self some1 put a hand on hiz shoulder n said "Dont kill urself, honey." It was Jo Jack! He wuz all like,

"Yew got so much 2 liv 4... I luv u."

And then Hank was all lyke "I dont rly swing dat way, I tell ya wut."

He didnt want dat gay guy 2 see him dye so he turned off da propain thingy and told Jo Jack he wuznt gunna kill himself and went home.

He got in hiz truck and turned on teh ignition. That truck wuz da 1 thing in his life dat he reely luvd. He wished he could just drive it 4evur but unfortshinately he had 2 go back 2 his hizouse.


	3. Chapter 3

When Hank got back to his hizlefrazizle he wuz suprized 2 see Bobby allredE back frum skool, it was onlee 12:00. Peggy wuznt home. Hank wuz like,

"Why arnt u at skewl, r u sick?"

And Bobby was lyke "No, I got kicked owt uv skool 2day cuz I make a status upd8 dat said Principal Moss is a child molestur."

And Hank wuz lyke, "Why wood u do that, Bobby?"

And Bobby was lyke, "uhhhh... B-cuz its true..?"

But actually Bobby was lying and Hank could tell. Bobby was just mad at Principal Moss cuz he maid him go too detenshin and scrape gum frum under teh desks.

Hank wuz like "Dang it Bobby!1 I can tell win ur lying now go 2 ur room!"

Bobby went 2 hiz room and thought about wut it would be like not 2 go 2 Tom Landry Middle Skool anymore. His closest frnds were frum da naberhood so he wood still get to see them but now he would have to go too the bad kid school. He wundrd how he would ever make frinds there. There were alredy a lot of bullies at Tom Landry, he was pretty scared uv changing skools.

The bad news made Hank feel even moar dupressed. Now both he and Bobby had to been ripped away from what they new and were being cast intw0 the dark abyss of mistury.

Hank went owtsyde to get the male. He walk 2 da malebox and saw hiz slutty nayburr, Nancy. Nancy was lyke

"Hey Sug"

And he was like "Hello, Nancy."

And then he saw Dale in da allie (he was dere cuz nobody neaded him to kill any bugs that dai) so he decyded 2 stand own there with him. He was like,

"Hey Dale."

And then he took a bear out uv da kooler and started drinkin it. And then Dale wuz like,

"How come u aint at wurk?"

And Hank was like "Becuz Buck Strickland iz a big jurk, thats Y!1"

And Dale was like "haha, u got fird frum ur job!"

And Hank was lyke "Shut up Dale, Im gunna kick ur ass!1"

And then Dale ran away and hid in hiz basement. He started to spy on Hank wiff a secrit camera but Hank wuz just drinking beer and Dale got bored and stopped watching.


	4. Chapter 4

Win Peggy got home she wuz lyke "Hai Hank, thought uv sumthing rly smart 2day!1" And Hank waz lyke,

"I hav bad newz, Peggy"

And she was like "OMG wut iz it!"

And he was like "Bobby got kicked owt of skool.."

And she was lyke "Dats aweful! Wut R we gunna do?"

And he was "idk wut 2 do. I think Bobbys fewture is looking pretty bleak. I think we must b failures az Parrents, Peggy."

And she was lyke, "Uh, nope. Im pretty sure ur the one whos a failure, Hank. Ive been nuthing but teh purfect mothur 2 Bobby."

Peggy was bein sooo anoying 2 Hank in hiz tyme uv need and he rly wantd 2 get away from her so he went to da allie.

Bill, Dale, n Boomhauer wur chillin in da alley and Hank walked up nad grabbed a beer out of da cooler. He was like

"Yup"

and Bill said "Yup"

and then Dale was lyke "Yup"

and then Boomhauer said "MmHmm"

and then Hank went bakc inside. Dat is when he saw Peggy beating Bobby and din he wuz like

"Bwahhhhhh!1"

And Peggy was like "Dis iznt wut it lewks lyke!11"

Hank was lyke "Stop! Dat iz R son, u cant treat him dat way!"

Bobby limped back too his room. He was rly scared of Peggy and he wuz afraid uv going 2 da bad kid school. He h8ed hiz lyfe so muchhh.

Peggy punched Hank in da stumik and then they went 2 bed.


	5. Chapter 5

Author's note: Sorry dis chapter took sew long but I spent all nite downlowding the smiley faces. And stop flaming! If u dont lyke this story then ur just not a tru fan ov the show!1

The next day Peggy woak up and wint 2 work and Bobby went to his new skool. Hank didnt hav anywere to go cuz he didnt hav a job anymoar. Hank got out uv bed and got dressed evun tho he wuz da onlee prsn in da hizzle.

Hank decided 2 drink a cup off black coffee bcuz it matchez his sole. He sat in front uv da TV and started watchin it. Bill walked in da howse uninvited (he didnt hav 2 go 2 wurk dat day cuz nobudy needed a hair-cut) becuz Dale had told him Hank had got fired n he wanted 2 see if Hank wuz O.K.

Bill entered the living room adn saw Hank watchin Todlers and Tiaras and thot "OMG Hank Hill iz a towtull purv!1" but then he got ovur it and said

"hai, Hank. How ya dewin?"

And Hank said "Pretty bad... I got fired frum da Prowpane store."

And Bill said "Yeah, I noe. I herd it from Dale."

And Hank was like "Damn it, Dale!"

And Bill was like "Do you wanna talk about it?"

And then all of the sudden Hank burst intwo tears. He said

"Bill, I just cant stand hte idea of not being able support mah familee and giv them evrything they need. I alwayz wanted two give Bobby and Peggy the very best and now it iz all falling a part. I am a failyure as a Dad to Bobby."

And Bill was like "You are not a failure! U R 1 of the most sucksessfull ppl I know!"

And Hank was like "Thanks Bill butt you dont really know everything me and mah family are going thru rite now."

And Bill was like "O.K." and then he went home.

So Hank decided to eet sum lunch and watch moar tv and before he knew it it was 3:00.

Bobby got back from skewl and entered teh rewm. He was all bruised and bloody adn his close were all ripped.

Hank was lyke "Bwahhhhhh!11 What Happened to you, Bobby!1"

And Bobby was like "Some guys beet me up at skool. There wur a buch of tuff kids there and Im da wimpiest prsn."

And Hank was like "Oh Bobby, Im soo sry! You look aweful, can I do anything to help you?"

And Bobby was like "The onlee thing u can to help me is to fu*k of!1"

Hank wuz so shocked he just stood there with his mouth a gape. He didnt know why Bobby sed that to him or y Bobby didnt want his help.

Bobby was like "All da kool kids at my new skool dont hav parents."

Bobby stayed in hiz room for the rest of the night.

Later Peggy got home and as soon as Hank saw her pull in to the drive-way he went owtside to drink beer with the guys. When he got there Dale was bragging about how Joseph iz uh really good football player.

Dale said "Hey Hank, arent u lewking foward to this football season 4 Tom Landry?"

And Hank said "Actually, Bobby got kicked out of Tom Landry yesterday 4 making a status upd8 that made some false accustaions about Carl Moss."

And then Boomhauer said "Dang ole fhlauiwe hufliawe hluiefwa unfair nfauiewfhl jfiela sex offender jifoewja jiwea joieaoji aweful, man."


	6. Chapter 6

Authirs Note: Holly crap u guys!1 Stop flaming! This iz a good story and u just dont get it becuz its deep and emowshinal!

The next morning Bobby came owt iv hiz rewm wearing a black shirt, jeans, and an I 3 Boobies wristband. Hank was sitting at the table and Bobby sat down at the tabel to eat sum Capn Crunch. Hank was lyke,

"Dang it, Bobby! What are you wearing!"

And Bobby was lyke, "a black shirt"

And Hank was lyke "You change clows rite now, boy!"

And Bobby was like "No way, my old clows made me lewk like a dork!"

And then Bobby went owtside and got on da bad kid school bus. It was different from da regular skool buss because it was black insted of yellow and there were bars on the windows.

Hank was lewking in da news paper for ads 2 get a job butt he didnt want any of those jobs. He wuz still so sad abowt getting fired. He got up and walked to his room. He lewked in da mirror and shed a tear. He thot about Peggy and Bobby and hiz shattered life.

When Bobby got home he wuz smoking a sigarette. Bobby alredy liked sigarettes bcause ov that time Hank maid him smoke a bunch of them and then he got addicted and so did Hank and so did Peggy even tho they already were they just got addicted again and Bobby was just addicted for the first time and then all 3 uv them were fighting ovur sigarettes but then Luanne took away the cigarettes and made them stop smoking. And then Hank was like

"Bwaaahhhh!11 Bobby! Get that out of you're mowth!"

And then Bobby was like "but Dad, all da kewl kids R doin it! U just dont get me!"

And he threw the sigarette on the carpet and went 2 hiz room n started listening to My Chemical Romance uber lowd.

Hank started yelling at Bobby but he couldnt here him over the sound of "_Teenagers_". He rly hopd Bobby didnt hav anymoar cigarteetes but he didnt see or smell smoke so he figured he didnt. Even tho the door wuz locked Hank could open it cuz he iz rly stong. He forced da door open and started yelling at Bobby again. He was lyke

"Bobby!1 Turn off this smut rite now!"

And Bobby was like "It's not smutt, Dad, its Mah Chemical Romance! All da kewl kids listen to it!"

And then Hank took the CD and was like

"I'm confisckateing this becuz u were smoking"

And then Hank took the CD and hid it in his nightstand.

When Peggy got home she saw da burn mark on the carpet from da sigarette and beat up Bobby.


	7. Chapter 7

Authors Note: Srsly! Stop Flaming! This iz wut the characturs R rly lyke but its just to intense 4 da show!1 Dats Y I rote it so if u dont lyke it din U just liv in a perfect fantisy world with rainbowz and unicorns but dis iz reel life!1111

The next day it was Saturday. Hank, Peggy, n Bobby wur eating brekfist pretending nuthing wuz wrong when they herd a nock on the door. Peggy was doing the word jumble in da paper, she was like

"Hank, you get it. I'm bizzy."

And then Hank got up and answered the door. It was Luanne and Lucky and their baby, Lasagna. Luanne was like,

"Hi, Uncle Hank!"

And she gave him a big hug, and he stepped back cuz he h8s hugs. Everyone went into the livin room and started talking. Peggy was like

"Would U like something to drink?"

And Luanne and Lucky said yes. Peggy shook her fist at Bobby and then he went to get drinks. Bobby brought them some Mikes Hard Lemonade. Bobby said,

"This will be good practiss becuz when I grow up I wanna wurk at da ABC (Already Been Chewed gum lolololol but that not what we r talkin about) store."

And Hank said "Dang it, Bobby! U R not gunna wurk at a liquor store!"

And Bobby was like "about that, I don't want to be called Bobby anymoar... I wanna be called Bob becuz it sownds more badas$."

And Lucky was like "So Bob, hows skewl going?"

And Bob was like "I'm two kool 4 skool."

And Peggy was like "Bobby got kicked owt of skool and now he has 2 go to the bad kid school."

And Bob was like "Stop calling me that! I'm Bob now becuz im a brand new man!"

And Peggy was like "Well Bob, dont furget whos da boss abound here" as she pulled a brass knuckles owt uv her purse to show him.

Then Luanne said to Bob "How did u git that black I?/"

Then Bob got nervous and tried to think of a lie. He sed,

"Uhhh... I fell down da stairs.."

And then Luanne said, "but ur howse duznt hav stares."

Peggy was afraid they might B getting suspishiss. Hank kinda wanted them to call her owt on it but he new they were two stoopid.

Then Peggy was like, "Oh two-O-clock already? We hav 2 go 2 a thing we forgot 2 menshin, so sry u hav 2 leave!"

And Luanne was like "Nice seeing u, Aunt Peggy!" and they walked owt the door.


	8. Chapter 8

Peggy was mad at Bob.

After Luanne, Lucky, and Lasagna were gone she said,

"U almost maid me lewk bad, and now I'm gunna make u lewk bad!111"

She took out her brass knuckles from her purse and put them on.

Hank was like, "No, Peggy! Nooo!11"

And then Peggy hit his face with her brass knuckles. It hurt rly bad and it wuz bleeding but he kept trying 2 keep her from beating up Bob.

Bob ran to the kitchen and called 911. But win da cops showed up it wuz too l8. Peggy had already beet up Hank and Bob and they were unconshiss. Dey ran into da howse and saw Bob and Hank laying on da floor and Peggy standing ovur them with blood running off her brass knuckles and down her hand and arm.

The police put hand-cuffs on her and took away her brass knuckles. She wuz yelling and struggling as they put her in da back uv da cop car. They called in an ambulance that took Hank and Bob 2 da hospitull.

When Hank n Bob woak up they were in hospitull beds next 2 each other.

Hank wuz lyke, "Dang it, Bob. I luv u! Im sry I dont say it enuff..."

And Bob said "Ily2, Dad"

Bob was trying not 2 cry but he couldnt help it. He teared up and guyliner started running down hiz face.

"Im vry sorry 4 wut just happend, sun." said Hank.

"I just cant B-leev Mom would dew dat 2 us" said Bob

"Sumtimes ppl do things that R hard to understand, but that dusnt meen she duznt luv U", Hank told Bob, wundering if he would know he wuz lieing. But Bob wuznt an innocent little kid anymoar and he deffinutly had hiz doubts abowt how much Peggy rly cared about him.

Alll da neighbors saw da cumotion at da Hillz howse and Boomhauer wuz worryd so he desided to go to da hospitull 2 make sure Hank wuz O.K.

When he got there he said "Dang ole Hank fuiahwfealuiwe dang ole ok? Efiuawejf uifhwe liuf dang ole Bob jioaefjewo?"

Then Boomhauer died. THE END!1111


End file.
